Friday, September 23, 2011

Time is relative..and most certainly irrelevant

As I sit here on a day off work (the first in about 12 days) I ponder why it is that I have soo much to do, and so little time to do it in. I have also come to the realization that I, myself, just so happen to create chaos for my own life. Whether it be to create about a million and one projects that I should know deep down that I will never finish, or looking on facebook profiles of freinds that most likely dont give a rats ass about me when I should be doing homework, or perusing the endless amounts of anime toys on ebay that I can't afford to buy, or looking up beer recipes to homebrew batches that I may or may not ever get around to making. Thinking about the paperwork and money accounts of a father who is sitting in a nursing home and then just pushing them aside because of other things I should be doing at that moment. Wondering the whole time why I do the things I do and about want I want to do, just to come full circle and think about the load of shit that fills up my garage to a point of impossibility to ever even imagine trying to get a vehicle in there. The amount of toys all over the house in random places put there by none of my kids but some crazy dark leprechaun that the children speak of frequently as the mysterious being that causes all the mischief around the home when I'm not looking or when I ask "who made this mess!" The homework that I do need to do creates another realm of wonder that in turn makes me want to find a really tall building to go hangliding off of without the glider to thus hang from. Whatever it is that causes this mental chaotic connundrum I cannot say. All I can say is that if not for chaos what would I do? Without the worry that I may never be completely happy with anything in my life unless it is a huge mess, what would I do? If anybody has ever been the kind of person to make a big twisted mess of things than you may be able to relate at least on the top layer of the madness that is behind this big piece of bloggy poo. And on that note I better get back to my homework, because planetary nebulea need to be explained, and if not for the credits and grades from this final class in my Ass-ociates program I may not even care.. but since I've also a Philosophy quiz to finish by the end of the week I can't even think that any accomplishment is even justified. I never gain any satisfaction from any level of work I put into a project, and I bet that some physcologist would say that I've a very hard habbit of self destruction to break, and that I should learn to take a compliment. Well, that aint least not until somebody can help me break the rails of this train and help me go in another direction that's a little less painful. Any volunteers? Didn't think so...... FML

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