Time is relative..and most certainly irrelevant

As I sit here on a day off work (the first in about 12 days) I ponder why it is that I have soo much to do, and so little time to do it in. I have also come to the realization that I, myself, just so happen to create chaos for my own life. Whether it be to create about a million and one projects that I should know deep down that I will never finish, or looking on facebook profiles of freinds that most likely dont give a rats ass about me when I should be doing homework, or perusing the endless amounts of anime toys on ebay that I can't afford to buy, or looking up beer recipes to homebrew batches that I may or may not ever get around to making. Thinking about the paperwork and money accounts of a father who is sitting in a nursing home and then just pushing them aside because of other things I should be doing at that moment. Wondering the whole time why I do the things I do and about want I want to do, just to come full circle and think about the load of shit that fills up my garage to a point of impossibility to ever even imagine trying to get a vehicle in there. The amount of toys all over the house in random places put there by none of my kids but some crazy dark leprechaun that the children speak of frequently as the mysterious being that causes all the mischief around the home when I'm not looking or when I ask "who made this mess!" The homework that I do need to do creates another realm of wonder that in turn makes me want to find a really tall building to go hangliding off of without the glider to thus hang from. Whatever it is that causes this mental chaotic connundrum I cannot say. All I can say is that if not for chaos what would I do? Without the worry that I may never be completely happy with anything in my life unless it is a huge mess, what would I do? If anybody has ever been the kind of person to make a big twisted mess of things than you may be able to relate at least on the top layer of the madness that is behind this big piece of bloggy poo. And on that note I better get back to my homework, because planetary nebulea need to be explained, and if not for the credits and grades from this final class in my Ass-ociates program I may not even care.. but since I've also a Philosophy quiz to finish by the end of the week I can't even think that any accomplishment is even justified. I never gain any satisfaction from any level of work I put into a project, and I bet that some physcologist would say that I've a very hard habbit of self destruction to break, and that I should learn to take a compliment. Well, that aint happenin....at least not until somebody can help me break the rails of this train and help me go in another direction that's a little less painful. Any volunteers? Didn't think so...... FML

That Day

It wsa 10 yrs ago today that I was outproccessing from 5 long yrs in the U.S.Marine Corps. And on this day 10 yrs ago my Sargeant Major told me he wasn't sure what would be happening in the next several hours but he would sign my discharge papers. I told him that if they needed me, they knew where they could find me. I'll never forget that day.

911

I'd gladly go back to that day and do everything over again if I thought that it would help change things forever. I would shoot those planes out of the sky if it would change the intentions for what they succeeded in doing. To lower the moral and hope for those attempting to lower ours as a free country I would bear arms and cut off anyones head to end things such as terrorism, racism, and fasciast communism. The war isn't with terror, it's with our own selves and the evil we can create within. There has to be way and I believe that fire is the only way out. You may not have to pass through the fires of hell in order to reach heaven, but nobody ever said things were supposed to be easy. I'd walk that line, just so that others will not have to. The innocent lives lost that day, unfortunately will not be the last, but we must remember. Because without something lost there will never be anything to gain.

My New Cybersprocket

Well I did it, or at least started it. I went on over to my wordpress account (dont hate me google) and started using that for my writings. I'm going to just throw a little bit on there to start with and see what kind of reactions I get. For now. I'll probably add more to it here and there, but over all I'm going to keep writing on my own as much as I can until I have something worthwhile that maybe I could possibly publish one day. I really hope that I can publish someday, it would be a dream of mine come true.. well actually I had only thought about that possibility about a random 2-300 times before in my life, and mostly it dealt with creating comics and wanting to get them published. So anyway, jog on over to my wordpress and see for yourself, then come back here or check me on FB or twittie and let me know whats up. Word? Word.. http://wormholebrewing.wordpress.com/

To write, or not to write. That is the Question.

Well I've been running it over and over in my head. What do I want to do when I grow up. I have a somewhat stable job/occupation, but I am always on the look out from something better. Not something with neccissarily more money (although that would be a nice bonus) but for something that I can actually be satisfied with. So what does the person do that is never satisfied with anything??? If I could just up and drop my life to start all over again I tend to think that would, but at the same time there comes into question the stability and comfortability of the current setup. I've been playing an idea for a story back and forth for a few years now, and at first it was an idea for a web comic that I would write and draw and post on a website dedicated to it. But the longer I go without really drawing (which as of right now could be the sum of almost 10 year now) and since I'm soo out of practice it is always seeming unlikely that I could provide the quality of artwork I would want to match my story. So instead of going through the trouble (at least as of yet) to retrain myself in artistic abilities. I've been thinking I would start off by just writing my story idea for the web comic into novel or novela or even some other form of documentation form. What do you think? Maybe I'll just start off by writing on a blog or something and see what kind of feedback I can get. I could change my wordpress blog maybe to a direct link from my storytelling synapsis and see what happens, and then document my progress here.. I dunno.. I'm soo goddamned indecisive. All I do know is, something has to change or I just may lose it soon. har har har... uugghhh

#MOflood Go Guard! 2011

I was going to write a story about the Flooding here in Missouri. I had been called up to active duty with the Missouri Air National Guard (my full time employer as a civil service technician) to help fight off the rising water to help save some of the farm land and homes along the Missouri River near a few small towns around the Carrollton MO area which is just north of the Missouri River about 30 minutes from I70 and about an hour and a half from Kansas City. The experience was one that I felt would not be very intimate with things I would normally find interesting or in the least bit beneficial, to myself, or anybody else for that matter. But I'm not ashamed to say, that I was wrong. Seeing the people out there fighting for what they would consider to be their livelyhoods is something I did not expect. When I normally see a bunch of farmland and cornfeilds I usually dont think much past the fact that it must be a pain to harvest all of that, and then to have to deal with the process of farming and the big food industry. Kind of like when I see the chicken trucks every day in the town I live in. I can't really feel sorry for them because I know that they are all on their way to the food plant where they will soon be turned into chicken nuggets and microwave dinners. But this experience was different. Even though I know that the life of a farmer is not easy, I could clearly see that these people (old and young) were in fear of loosing what they work their fingers to the bone for. In just the area I was in, I was standing up on one levee and heard one of the farmers mention that if the water were to break through here or at another point about 2 miles from there, that it would mean the annual salary of about 50-60 families would be gone, just like that (a snap of the fingers). And since I usually think of such a big scale, this really didn't mean that much to me, because how many families annual saleries were lost in Japan during the tsunami earlier this year? I bet more than 50-60. Probably more like 50-60 thousand, along with everything else they had owned, and even some of their loved one's lost, and pets, and everything else. But even though I have the ability to make such comparisons I still have the ability to separate the logical sense of those comparisons and to realize that every situation is different and to also realize that I do not have all of the facts to support most of my theories or ideas. Oh but anyway, I would look at these farming people and see that even though they knew that their livelyhood were at stake, it would not change who they were, their determination, and overall, their sense of the down home family that they most cherish. This community I was helping was some of the most gracious and farm friendly (pun intended) that I'd met in a long time. I can see that they live a humble life and that they really did need and appreciate the fact that the National Guard (Army and Air Force) was there. It gave them a sense of relaxed nervouseness. A feeling that even though they might lose a years long worth of income that there was people that cared about them, that the state cared, that the members of the Guard cared, and that a lot of us were all there for a common purpose. To help each other. That we are all family even though distanced by occupations and regionally different backgrounds. When I looked out at the cornfield from atop the levee bearing a water pressure that could have broke through at any time. It changed my outlook. I didn't see the food process of the nation. I just saw people. Just as the buildings and lives, boats and cars, and everything in the path of water washed through Japan as destructive as any other force on earth. The families in Missouri and the other surrounding states affected by the flood waters were no different. It's not the level of the devastation, but the level of the inner self to comprehend that loss... is loss.

Atop the Levee (Norborne, MO)

Heartland America

Carrollton, MO

I65 closed down to one lane only

Snake

Me and my friend Ryan a long time ago were going to open up a public amphibious aquarium full of snakes and lizards of the sorts, but we couldn't agree upon a name for the place. He had one in mind but a certain restaurant establishment would probably sue us for copyright infringement. The same ordeal would have taken place if we were to also incorporate an ice cream stand into it.