Time is relative..and most certainly irrelevant

As I sit here on a day off work (the first in about 12 days) I ponder why it is that I have soo much to do, and so little time to do it in. I have also come to the realization that I, myself, just so happen to create chaos for my own life. Whether it be to create about a million and one projects that I should know deep down that I will never finish, or looking on facebook profiles of freinds that most likely dont give a rats ass about me when I should be doing homework, or perusing the endless amounts of anime toys on ebay that I can't afford to buy, or looking up beer recipes to homebrew batches that I may or may not ever get around to making. Thinking about the paperwork and money accounts of a father who is sitting in a nursing home and then just pushing them aside because of other things I should be doing at that moment. Wondering the whole time why I do the things I do and about want I want to do, just to come full circle and think about the load of shit that fills up my garage to a point of impossibility to ever even imagine trying to get a vehicle in there. The amount of toys all over the house in random places put there by none of my kids but some crazy dark leprechaun that the children speak of frequently as the mysterious being that causes all the mischief around the home when I'm not looking or when I ask "who made this mess!" The homework that I do need to do creates another realm of wonder that in turn makes me want to find a really tall building to go hangliding off of without the glider to thus hang from. Whatever it is that causes this mental chaotic connundrum I cannot say. All I can say is that if not for chaos what would I do? Without the worry that I may never be completely happy with anything in my life unless it is a huge mess, what would I do? If anybody has ever been the kind of person to make a big twisted mess of things than you may be able to relate at least on the top layer of the madness that is behind this big piece of bloggy poo. And on that note I better get back to my homework, because planetary nebulea need to be explained, and if not for the credits and grades from this final class in my Ass-ociates program I may not even care.. but since I've also a Philosophy quiz to finish by the end of the week I can't even think that any accomplishment is even justified. I never gain any satisfaction from any level of work I put into a project, and I bet that some physcologist would say that I've a very hard habbit of self destruction to break, and that I should learn to take a compliment. Well, that aint happenin....at least not until somebody can help me break the rails of this train and help me go in another direction that's a little less painful. Any volunteers? Didn't think so...... FML

That Day

It wsa 10 yrs ago today that I was outproccessing from 5 long yrs in the U.S.Marine Corps. And on this day 10 yrs ago my Sargeant Major told me he wasn't sure what would be happening in the next several hours but he would sign my discharge papers. I told him that if they needed me, they knew where they could find me. I'll never forget that day.

911

I'd gladly go back to that day and do everything over again if I thought that it would help change things forever. I would shoot those planes out of the sky if it would change the intentions for what they succeeded in doing. To lower the moral and hope for those attempting to lower ours as a free country I would bear arms and cut off anyones head to end things such as terrorism, racism, and fasciast communism. The war isn't with terror, it's with our own selves and the evil we can create within. There has to be way and I believe that fire is the only way out. You may not have to pass through the fires of hell in order to reach heaven, but nobody ever said things were supposed to be easy. I'd walk that line, just so that others will not have to. The innocent lives lost that day, unfortunately will not be the last, but we must remember. Because without something lost there will never be anything to gain.